


Neglected (Naruto Fanfiction)

by Ayako_Hayashi



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-16 23:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 11,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5844910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayako_Hayashi/pseuds/Ayako_Hayashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Minato and Kushina survived?<br/>What if Naruto has a twin sister?<br/>What if Naruto is neglected by his family?<br/>What if Naruto is a genius?<br/>What if Naruto met Kurama at the age of 2?<br/>What if Naruto is an ANBU Black Ops Captain?<br/>What if he's the Night Fox?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short note real quick, this story is also on Wattpad and has more chapters on it as well!

10 years ago, the Hokage's wife gave birth to twins. On that very same day, the kyuubi attacked the village. The 4 Hokage sealed the kyuubi's soul and half it's chakra inside his son and the other half of it's chakra in his daughter. The son was Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, the daughter was Mito Uzumaki-Namikaze. Before Minato and Kushina died, the medics arrived and healed them.

 

Minato and Kushina raised and trained Mito to control her brother if he ever went on a rampage. They neglected Naruto and left him to the mercy of the villagers. 

 

At the age of 3, Naruto met the Kyuubi. He was nearly beaten to death by the villagers. The Kyuubi saved and healed him. The Kyuubi introduced himself as Kurama and trained Naruto.

 

At the age of 5, Naruto graduated from the academy and neither of his parents noticed. He became a chunin a few months later, and a joinin half a year later. When Naruto turned 7, he became an ANBU captain, and he was given the name Night Fox.

 

This is where his story begins.....


	2. I Hate My Life

Naruto POV:

I look out the window of my room and see a family playing in their backyard. That so called family, is my family. 

'Kurama, why do they hate me so much?'

'Because they're stupid.'

I roll my eyes. 'I already know that, but that doesn't explain why they hate me so much.'

'Th- It's because I'm sealed inside of you.'

'Pfft, What kind of reason is that? Ugh, I'm bored, let's get a mission!' I thought excitedly. I change into my ANBU clothes and put my fox mask on. I flashstepped to the Hokage building and walk to the Hokage's office. 

I walk in, grab a mission, and leave. 'Kit, you have to inform the Hokage about the mission or else you'll be classified as a missing nin.' Kurama sweat drops.

'He wasn't there and I left a note!' I reply. He sighs and goes silent.

I smirk and walk out of the village. I open the scroll and read it. "An assassination mission? My lucky day." I sadisticly smirk.

I finish the job in 2 hours and return to the village. I walk into the Hokage's office and give him my report.

"Night Fox, you really need to inform me when you go on a mission." Minato sweatdrops. 

"You weren't here, what was I supposed to do?" I state monotone.

"Inform me!" He growls, a tick mark on his forehead. 

I shrug and leave the office. 

I walk up to the top and the Hokage Mountain and look to the vast blue sky.

"I hate my life..."


	3. I Hate You

Naruto POV:

 

When I arrive home and open the door, Mito collides into me. 

 

"Ita..." She groans.

 

"Mito! Get away from that thing and help me make dinner!" Kushina-sama gleefully cheers. I barely bat an eye when she called me a thing.

 

Mito cheers and rushes toward Kushina-sama. I stoically walk into the house, and to my room. I put a chakra-concealing seal on the door, walls, floor, and ceiling. I sit in the middle of floor and meditate. I swirl my chakra around me, then I make it surround me like a cocoon.

 

I hear a light flap of wings near my bed. I quickly form my chakra into a spear and impale the small fly. 

 

I hear a knock on the window and see Kakashi sitting on the window sill. I raise a single blonde eyebrow. He points to the window latch. I roll and form my chakra into a small hand, stretch it to the window, and open it. 

 

Kakashi sweat drops, "And you call me lazy." He mused. "Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to met my team with me tomorrow, they'll probably know nothing about being a shinobi." he mutters the last part. 

 

I slightly smile, "Sure Bakashi, why not." 

 

He shakes his head and goes out the bedroom door. "I'm going to bother your fam-"

 

"Their not my family!" I spat angrily.

 

He freezes for a second, "Right, I ment, I'm gonig to bother Sensei and his family." He says sorrowfully and exits the room.

 

I roll my eyes and walk out of my room. When I open the door, Mito is walking by my door with a small cat. It has a small tag around it's neck that says, 'to our adorable daughter, Mito.   
From Mom and Dad.'

 

She looks at me and beams. "Hey Naru-nii! How was your day? Oh! Look what mom and dad got me, is she cute!" She cuddles the small kitten. 

 

I glare at her to leave, but she doesn't notice. "Ya know, we never got any brother-sister bonding time. We should hang out sometime! We could bring Mom and Dad as well! We could have a family day out like we always have together." As she continues, I clench me fists. "Remember that time Dad trip and fell into the pond! That was hilarious! We al-"

 

"WHY ARE YOU HERE! ARE YOU HERE TO RUB IN THE FACT THAT OUR, NO, YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU! I HAVE NEVER ONCE BEEN OUT ON YOUR LITTLE 'FAMILY DAY!' I WAS HERE LOCKED IN MY ROOM WHILE YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE ACT LIKE EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!" I roar. 

 

She freezes and widens her eyes. "W-what? I-I never knew, I just wanted to... to bond with the brother I love." She stutters. 

 

I glare and storm past her, when I pass by her ear I growl, "I hate you."


	4. The Secret's Out... huh

Naruto POV:

I'm sitting on the railing of the roof of the academy, waiting for Kakashi and his team to show up. I'm in my ANBU gear, mask included.

"YOUR LATE!" I nearly fell off the railing. 

"LAIR!" I fell off the railing and fall towards the ground. I catch a window sill and pull myself up. I look up and see a duckass, cotton candy, Mito, and Kakashi.

"Kakashi, I/he fell off the roof because of you...." Me and Kurama growl, although nobody could hear the fox except me.

Kakashi sweat drops, "Uhh, meet me on the roof." He poofs out. I growl and walk up with the genin.

As soon as we reach the roof, I throw a cat at Kakashi and which he catches and throws back at me. I dodged and it hit Mito in the face.

'Kit, where did the cat come from?' Kurama sweat drops.

'No clue.' He face palms, as I stiffle a laugh.

"Ok introductions. Blonde, you go first."

"Ne, sensei what should we say?" Pinky asks in an annoyingly obnoxious voice. 

I discreetly clutch my ears and mumble, "I'm death..." 

"You likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams."

"You should go first, sensei. You look pretty suspicious..."

"Fine, my name is Kakashi Hakate. My like and dislikes are none of your concern. Hobbies-"

"*cough* reading porn *cough cough*" 

Kakashi hits the back of my head and continues, "don't have any. Dreams,"

"*cough* having babies with Iruka-sensei *cough cough* Sorry, I have a cold."

Kakashi shoves my face into the ground, "I never thought about it."

The genin sweat drop. I raise a shaky hand and point at the Duckbutt, "You first."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. My likes and dislikes are none of your concern. My hobbies are training. I don't have a dream but an ambition to kill a certain someone..."

Kakashi nods and I gesture at Pinky, "You next."

"My name is Sakura Haruno. My likes are *high pitched squeal* my dream-" 

I signal her to stop, "If you continue, I will actually lose my hearing. Blonde go."

She nods, "My name is Mito Uzumaki-Namikaze, my likes are my family, training, my brother, ramen, and cats. My dislikes... I don't really have any. My hobbies are hanging out with my family, training, and training. My dream for the future is to get my brother to love his family again."

"Tch."

Sakura points at me, "Remove your mask and introduce yourself."

I look at Kakashi and he nods. "Fine."

I remove my mask and reveal my emotionless blue eyes. 

"NARU-NII! YOUR AN ANBU!?!" Mito screams.

"My name is Naruto, and yes Mito-san, I'm the youngest ANBU black ops captin." I state and place my mask on.

I jump off the roof and walk around the village.

I look up at the calm blue sky, "So, the secret's out... huh"


	5. I Never Had A Family

Naruto POV:

When I arrive the doorstep of my so called 'home.' I hear a loud, "WHAT!" 

'Mito must've told Minato and Kushina your in the ANBU.'

'I bet you a hundred lives that they'll pretend to start caring about me.'

Kurama smirks, 'Deal kit.'

I shake my head and enter the house. The room goes silent as I walk into the living room. 

"Take a picture, it will last longer." I state monotone.

They seemed to snap out of their trance. "Naruto, are you an ANBU black ops captain?" Minato demands.

I snort and glare coldly, "So, Hokage-sama, you finally noticed your only son is an ANBU, a black ops captain no less, that you have seen nearly every day. I'm guessing you never would've noticed if your precious baby girl didn't tell you." I spat.

"NARUTO, YOU WON'T TALK TO YOUR FATHER LIKE THAT!" Kushina roars.

"Father? Sorry, I never really got to know him. Nor my mother." I state. 

They look down ashamed. Mito speaks up, "Naru-nii, will you be my team's assistant teacher of something?" She asks hopefully.

I stare at her indifferent, "I will tag along on dangerous missions, other then that, no." 

"O-oh..."

I roll my eyes and walk to my room. I strip off my ANBU gear and change into a white t-shirt and black sweatpants. I grab a blank scroll and write a list of people I would sacrifice to Kurama if I lose the bet.

'Should I sacrifice Orochimaru's experiments or some rouge nin, Kurama?"

'You can sacrifice a cat for all I care, I just want my sacrifices.'

'Don't get cocky Kurama, so far, I'm winning the bet.'

'Tch, brat.'

I hear a loud knock on my door and Minato's voice, "Naruto, dinner time!" 

I begrudgingly roll out of my seat and walk towards the dinning room. I sit in a chair with Mito to my left and Minato and Kushina in front of us.

"Itadakimus..." I mumble before eating the food. An akward silence fills the room as we eat. 

"So, Naruto, how was your day?" Kushina asks in a (fake) motherly tone.

"Fine, Lady Kushina." I state monotone.

"Naruto, call me mom." She insists.

"As you wish, Lady Kushina."

Her eyebrow twitches and I inwardly smirk at Kurama.

"Naruto, I'm curious, when did you graduate from the academy?" Minato leans forward.

"Three days after my fifth birthday, Lord Hokage."

"When did you become an ANBU? What's your code name?"

"On my seventh birthday, Night Fox."

Minato freezes, "You always take the most dangerous and longest missions. Naruto, don't you know how dangerous those are!" He shouts.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have taken it. It helps the village, yet you don't approve. I don't understand, the worst injury I came back with was a punctured lung." I furrow my eyebrows.

Mito and Kushina gasp, "What..."

Kushina glares at Minato, "You let our son on dangerous missions? What if he died!" 

"Lady Kushina, let's be honest, you wouldn't have noticed, nor cared. Don't pretend you care now." I state.

Mito speaks for the first time, "Naru-nii, why don't you join us for our Family Day on Saturday?"

Minato and Kushina nod excitedly, "Yeah!"

I set my chopsticks down loudly, "No."

"Naruto c'mon, don't you want to hang out with your family?" Mito pleads.

I glare harshly and she flinches, "I never had a family."


	6. Let The Test Begin

Naruto POV:

I arrived at training feild 7 at sun raise. I collect a small pile of stcks, tree sap, vines, and leaves, and start fiddling with them. I grab on of my kunai and line it in sticks. I put tree sap on the leaves place them over the sicks. I grab the vines and twist and circle it around the kunai multiple times. 

"Naru-nii? What are you doing." I look up from my small project and see Mito.

"I'm making camouflage kunai." I state. 

"Sugoi! How do you do it?" She asks eagerly. 

"If you want, I'll teach you how to do it."

"Really?"

"Yes, that's why I told you."

"O-okay." She stutters.

"First, get a pile of sticks, tree sap, leaves, kunai, and vines. I'll give you 30 seconds, or I won't teach you. Don't worry about the kunai, I'll give you one. Now go!" I ordered. 

She scrambles around the feild and collect the requested items.

I take out 2 kunai and hand one to her. "Watch what I do carefully, I don't feel like explaining." I state.

I line my kunai in sticks and place the tree sapped leaves above them. I wrap vines around the kunai repeatedly. I take out another kunai and repeat the process. 

I glance up at Mito and see she's hard at work creating her kunai. She struggles a bit, but slowly gets the hang of it.

'Kurama, why did I offer to teach her?'

'You probably wanted to try and forgive her.'

'What does forgive mean? I never understood the concept.'

'It means you want to forget the past and move on, kit.'

'My past is all I have, I can't forget it.'

'Some day, you will.'

I furrow my eyebrows, "Why would I want to forget?" I mumble.

Mito lifts her head, "Did you say something Naru-nii?" 

"Nothing you need to be worried about."

"Okkie dokkie!" She cheers and continues to work on her kunai's. 

"What are you doing, dobe?" Sasuke glances at her camouflaged kunai. 

"Camouflage Kunai." She states monotone.

I slightly raise my eyebrows at her tone. I glance at Sasuke to see him smirk.

"That's stupid, but then again, your doing it."

I grow a tick mark, "So your saying my amazing creations are stupid, Duckass? I'll have you know, I killed hundreds of ninja with these. They are amazing! They beat normal kunai any day!" 

Sasuke glares at me, "Dobe."

I smirk, "I graduated when I was five and your calling me a Dobe?" 

His eyes slightly widen before narrowing. "Fight me."

I turn my tone monotone again with a blank face. "Wait until your sensei arrives, genin. I have no obligation to follow your orders, nor anyone else's beside the Hokage."

I turn back to my kunai, and Sasuke lunges at me. Before he could touch me, Mito kicks Saskue in the stomach, sending him flying into a tree and I trow multiple sendon needles at him, successfully scratching his 'beautiful' face.

"Naru-nii said wait for Sensei, Sasuke. He out ranks us, and we are obliged to follow his orders." She states and walks back to her kunai.

"With an attitude like that, you will be a good shinobi Mito. But, it will also be your downfall, if an higher ranking shinobi tells you to do something suicidal or out of your capabilities, refuse." I state.

"Hai, Naru-nii."

Sakura comes running up, probably planning to rape Sasuke. As soon as she sees Saskue in a tree, she screams and rushes over him. 

"SASUKE-KUN! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!!" 

"I did, and if you don't shut up, you'll be next." I state.

She nods her head rapidly and helps Sasuke out of the tree. We all do our own thing for 3 more hours before Kakashi finally shows up.

"YOUR LATE!" Sakura screeches.

I clutch my bleeding ear, "I thought I told you to shut up."

She instantly silences.

"Well, a black cat crossed my path, so I had to take a different route." He states sheepishly.

"Lair, you were probably reading some porn book." I state monotone. 

He sweat drops, "Anyways, Me and Naruto has a bell. You have until noon to get them."

"But sensei, why are there only two bells?" Sakura asks.

I facepalm, "Because only two will be able to pass. You can use weapons and jutsu's."

"But Sensei that's dangerous!" 

"That's the point." Mito sweat drops.

"We'll start when I say begin." He states.

Everyone prepare to hide, besides me and Kakashi.

"BEGIN!"

I smirk, "Let the test begin."


	7. Will You Help Me Open Them?

Ghygv

Naruto POV:

I sit in the park where my family aways played at, watching children play longingly. I finger the kunai in my hand.

'Ne, Kurama, should I trust my family again?'

'Do whatever your heart tells you to do kit. I will support your decision.'

'What if nothing changes? I won't be able to handle that again.'

'Then I'll personally kill your pathetic family' He snarls.

I smile softly, 'Arigato, Kurama.'

'Any time kit.' He grins cheekily.I stand up and head home.

I reach a hand towards the doorknob, and hesitantly open the door. I step in and look around the house. Minato is sitting on the couch, reading a book, with a slight blush on his face. Kushina is humming in the kitchen, cooking dinner. Mito is quietly reading a book on chunin level jutsu's.

I slightly smile at the peaceful atmosphere, before heading towards my room. Mito suddenly looks up from her book and stares at me. I freeze, my eyes slightly widened.

She unexpectedly tackles me in a hug. "NARU-NII! YOUR HOME!" She squeals.

Minato and Kushina jump from the sudden noise and look at us lovingly.

I awkwardly pat Mito's head, "Tadaima?" I ask unsure.

"Okaeir." They say in unison.

Mito jumps up from me and runs off somewhere. I stand up nervously.

"Ano... Why are you staring at me?"

They just smile and go back to cooking and reading. Mito rushes back to me with a small sleeping fox in her arms, a bright smile on her face.

"Naru-nii, look what I got you from the pet store today! Isn't he cute! What will you name him?"

"M-me?" I stutter dumbfounded.

She giggles and gently places the resting fox in my arms. I feel my face light up in joy.

"Well aren't you a cutie." I coo. "I think I'll call you... Kurama."

'Like hell you will, name him Jin.' Kurama rumbles.

"Jin it is." I laugh.

"Didn't you just ne him Kurama?" Kushina asks.

"Yeah, but who would name someone Kurama, it's a stupid name." I reply.

'MY NAME IS NOT STUPID!'

'I never said it was.'

'Yes you did, brat.'

Minato chuckles and ruffles my hair. I jump like 3 feet into the air. "When did you get here!?!"

"Just now." He smirks.

I roll my eyes and plop on the couch. I grab the book Minato was reading and read the title.

"Icha Icha Paradise, huh?" I murmur.

I open the book and smirk. I start reading aloud a very sexual part: "I grab her hips and €¥<|*|»¿€\|>€&'\<|»™}™{«. She mouns out in pleasure. I smirk and thrust $):38;3/3:_7'69)$;_=(74;33-"

The book is suddenly ripped out of my hands by a very flustered Minato.

"Ka-san, what does $):38;3/3:7'69)$;_=(74;33 mean?" Mito asks her.

Kushina's hair seemingly flys up as she glares at Minato.

"Minato, where did she hear of this?" She asks sickeningly sweet.

I look out from behind Minato, "Me. I was reading from Minato's book. I don't know what it means though. Why would someone want to shove a finger in-" Minato slaps his hand over my mouth.

I silently snicker against his hand and Kushina slowly walks up to Minato.

"K-Kushina, darling, can't w-we talk this out." He backs away nervously.

I openly smirk behind Kushina, and Minato lightly glares at me. Kushina seemed to think he was glaring at her, and next thing we know, Minato is 'dead' on the ground.

I chuckle and sit on the couch again, writing a report on what I did this week, and detail it to the minute. I'm interrupted by Jin crawling all over me, eventually ending up on my head, his tail over my face.

I hear Minato stiffle a laugh from on the floor before asking, "What're'ya writing Naruto?"

"My weekly report." I reply.

"Hmmm... why's there a tail over your face?"

"Because Kakashi and Asuma hooked up, and Anko hooked up with Pakun, Kakashi's dog summon." I respond with a straight face.

He looks at me wide eyed before running out of the house, most likely tracking down the said people. Me and Mito sweat drop before bursting out laughing.

'When did I become so open with my family?'

'When Mito walked by your door with a cat.'

'That was a rhetorical question -_-'

I motion Mito over, and she sits next to me, tilting her head a bit. "Yes, Naru-nii?"

"I want to forgive and love my family. I want to open my eyes again. Will you help me open them?" 

 


	8. I'm Counting On You Mito-chan

Naruto POV:

Mito's eyes widen and a large grin spreads across her face.   
"Of course, Naru-nii!" 

I smile softly, and pat her head. "Thanks, Mito-chan." 

She giggles and pats my head too. I roll my eyes and go back to writing my weekly report. Jin crawls up my to my head again, and places his tail in my face.

"Come on Jin..." I whine.

'He wants attention, kit.' Kurama chuckles.

'Pfft, I knew that....'

'Sure you did kit.'

I chuckle and lift Jin off my head and place him on my lap. I scratch his ear and go back to writing. 

"Mito, Naruto, Dinner!" Kushina yells. 

"Hai!" We respond. 

Mito skips into the kitchen like a happy 3 year-old girl, and I, being the normal person I am, walk in on the ceiling. 

Kushina raises an eyebrow, "What are you doing, Naruto?"

I grin, "I'm Spider-Man!"

She sweat drops, "Whose Spider-Man?"

"A man who had spider powers, duh." 

She chuckles and motions for me to sit, "Where's Minato?"

"He's tacking down Kakashi, Asuma, Anko, and Pakun." Mito giggles.

"Why?"

"Because he believes they hooked up." I snicker.

Kushina blinks a couple times before chuckling. The door is slammed open by and tired Minato and four sweat dropping joinin and dog.

"Naruto, who told you that they hooked up?" Minato asks exasperated.

"I didn't say anything like that. Right Mito?" I wink at her discreetly.

She grins, "Yeah, Naru-nii didn't say anything if the sorts. You must've heard him wrong, Otou-san."

"W-what? No I didn't! I swear, he said they did!" Minato protests.

Kakashi places a hand a Minato's shoulder. "Sensei, Naruto didn't say any of us hooked up. I know you have your delusional shippings-"

"They're not delusional!" Minato exclaims.

"Yes they are. As I was saying, your brain just made you believe Naruto said it so you can use your perverted imagination." Kakashi states.

"It's not like your mind is any better, Kaka-Baka!" I grin.

"Shut up, Fox." Kakashi grins his infamous closed eyed smile, a deadly aura coming out of him.

I smile innocently, "Waktta, waktta (Ok in Japanese) I'll keep yours and Iruka's secret." I wink.

Kakashi freezes, "What secret?"

"Just that you two hooked up on July 5, 3 years ago. You seemed to have forgotten I was staying at your house when you two 'did it.'" 

He blushes furiously, "I-I don't know what your talking about."

Minato suddenly blushes. Kakashi blushes even harder, "STOP IMAGINING IT, SENSEI!" 

We all laugh and Anko shouts, "I ship Iruka and Kakashi!" 

I grin and take a bite out of my dinner. "I could get used to this." 

Mito giggles and starts eating as well. "This is what family feels like Naru-nii. It's my goal to make you feel the love of a family!"

"I'm counting on you, Mito-chan."


	9. It's Too Freaking Early for This Crap

Naruto POV:

RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG! 

I groan and roll off my bed and land with a loud THUD! I slowly push myself off the floor. I glare at my ringing alarm clock and smash it under my fist. 

Mito runs into my room, looking frantic, "Naru-nii what happened!?" 

I deadpan, "I fell."

'C'mon kit, show your sister some emotion.' Kurama sneers.

'It's 5 a.m, to early in the morning for emotions.' I retort.

'Whatever.' 

I stand up and start stripping off my clothes. 

"KYAAAA! NARU-NII, DON'T CHANGE IN FONT OF A GIRL!!!!" Mito screeches.

I raise an eyebrow at her, "Your a girl?"

Mito glares at me and sarcastically replies, "No, I'm a monkey."

I smirk, "Oh, that explains a lot."

"EXPLAINS WHAT!" 

"Your screeching noises, idiotic choices, love of bananas, wild hair, must I go on?"

Mito sticks her nose in the air and stalks out. I roll my eyes and finish changing into my ANBU uniform. I flash step to training field 7 and wait for team 7.

Saskue arrives first. Once he noticed me, he simply did the infamous Uchiha grunt and sat under a tree. Mito arrives next and sits next to Saske silently and glares at me. Sakura arrives last, and once she sees Saskue ans Mito sitting together, she starts screeching and screaming.

I rub my temples and check my watch. 

5:30 a.m. 

I groan and slump to the ground. I take out a scroll and start calculating how much money I have, how strong my jutsus are compared to others, how long it would take me to burn all of Kakashi's books.

I sigh and look up at Team 7, mostly Sakura cause she's screaming. A couple veins pop from my head. I silently take a deep breath and try to go back to my scroll.

Kakashi finally arrives and Sakura AND Mito both scream 'YOUR LATE!' 

"Sorry, a black cat crossed my path so I had to take a different route." Kakashi scratches the back of his head. 

"LAIR!"

I groan and fall onto my back, "It's to freaking early for this crap."


	10. Even If It Means Protecting a Drunken Bastard

Naruto POV:

I jump on Kakashi's back as we head towards the Hokage's office. He stumbles a bit but regains his balance.

"Ano, Naruto-san, why are you on Kakashi-sensei's back?" Sakura furrows her eyebrows, Tora resting in her arms .

"Because pinky fluffy unicorns are dancing on rainbows in pinky fluffy tutus." I retort.

Everyone gives me the 'WTF' face. I smirk and rest my chin of Kakashi's head. 

~~TIMESKIP~~

Sakura hands Tora to the lady who basically crushes the poor thing. I almost felt sorry for it, then I remembered the hell it put me through.

"Serves the damn cat right."

"Language." Kakashi and Minato scold.

I smile innocently and hop off Kakashi's back. Minato sighs and looks at Kakashi.

"I'm considering letting your team do a C-rank mission, do you think they're ready?"

Kakashi glances at his team before nodding at Minato. I bow politely at Minato, "Minato-sama-"

"Naruto, I'm your father, call me Otou-san." Minato scolds.

"Otou-san, may I accompany Team 7 on their mission?"

Minato agrees and summons the client in. I grin happily when he agrees, but as soon as the client stepped into the room, the smell of alcohol suddenly overwhelms my senses. 

I cough at the intense smell, "Great, a drunk old man."

The old man glares at me, "These brats are the ninja that are protecting me? Ha, is the short one with idiotic look on his face even a ninja?" 

Everyone looks at me expectantly, waiting for my reaction. I wipe my happy grin off my face almost immediately and go back to being emotionless.

"WHAT THE HECK OLD MAN, THAT WAS THE FIRST POSITIVE EMOTION HE SHOWED IN 3 DAYS!!" Mito screams and lunges at him.

Kakashi grabs her by the collar, "Don't attack the client."

Mito silently fumes and stands next to Saskue and Sakura.

"Team 7, this is Tazuna the bridge builder. You will be escorting him to the Land of the Waves." Minato grins.

I sigh, "Ok guys, meet at the village gates in 10 minutes. That means you to Kakashi."

He rolls his eyes and poofs out.

~~Twelve Minutes Later~~

I tap my foot on the ground inpatiently, waiting for Kakashi. A dark aura leaks out of me by each second that passes. Mito, Saskue, Sakura, and Tazuna all take a giant step away from me.

When Kakashi finally arrives, I punch him in the face and throw him out the gates. 

"Ita..." He anime cries. I sigh and pull him to his feet. Mito starts exclaiming about how they're all travelers now.

"These brats will be protecting me?" Tazuna scowls.

"Don't worry, I'm a joinin and Naruto kept his identity hidden from the Hokage for years and he's his own son." Kakashi does his infamous closed eyed smile.

"Like that brat could protect me." Tazuna retorts.

"Insult me all you want Tazuna, but I take all my missions seriously. Even if it means protecting a drunken bastard."


	11. Just Sexually Harassing an Uchiha

Naruto POV:

I roll my eyes immediately after we left the village. Why you ask, my imaginary friend? Because two idiots of ninja started following us.

'Kit, I think you finally lost it...' Kurama grins his toothy grin.

I smirk at him, 'I lost it the moment I met you.'

Kurama grins proudly, 'Your welcome kit!'

I chuckle and monitor the ninja. 

"Kakashi-sensei, does the land of the waves have ninja?" Sakura asks, surprisingly nicely. Mito looks at Kakashi curiously.

(A/N: Srry, this probably won't be what Kakashi said, just more or less what I remember. Does Kakashi even explain about the shinobi lands here? -_-' ) "No, the shinobi lands are have five major countries: The land of Fire, The Land of Sand, The Land of Lightning, The Land of Water, and the Land of Wind. Each lead by a Kage, the Hokage of our village is a very important man."

I nearly burst out laughing when I thought about Minato being important. He's way to-

"YOU JUST DOUBTED THE HOKAGE DIDN'T YOU!" Kakashi screams.

Mito and Sakura shake their heads frantically, "N-no! The Hokage/Dad is very important." 

I just grin, "What can I say, he married a woman with anger-issues, and had an overly cheerful girl and an emo son." 

Kakashi bonks me on the head, "Shut up."

I anime cry and rub my head, "KakaBaka."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!" 

I deadpan, "I said: KakaBaka." 

Kakashi sighs and decides to ignore me, I don't like being ignored. I go into chibi mode and punch his back with my chibi fists.

Kakashi grows a tic mark, grabs me by my chibi collar, and throws my in a nearby puddle.

'They're bigger idiots than I thought.' I grin devilishly and jump in the puddle like a 3 year old, still in chibi mode so nobody can question me.

"DIE PUDDLE OF JASHIN!!!" I scream in my high pitched voice.

~~With The Akatsuki~~

Hidan was sitting on the couch when he heard a faint 'DIE PUDDLE OF JASHIN!!!' 

He immediately grows a tick mark and runs out of the base. Unfortunately, he's caught by Kazuku and Itachi.

(Warning Cussing) "LET GO OF ME YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! I'M GONNA KILL THE ASSHOLE WHO INSULTED JASHIN-SAMA!" Hidan screams.

Kazuku sighs and drags him back into the base, "Idiot."

Itachi discreetly rolls his eyes and goes back to training.

~~Back to Naruto~~

The puddle suddenly produces chains that wrap around me and Kakashi. The crush Kakashi to pieces and to idiots jump out. The one with foot prints on his face holds brings me to his face with the chains.

"I'll make your death painful." He growls.

I tilt my head innocently, "It can't be as bad as your breath, I pretty sure I'm already slowly dying."

He growls and slams me into the ground. I growl and break the chains around me- like a boss.

Me and Kurama snarl, our eyes glowing red, "You pathetic human dare to slam me on the ground? You shall pay the price with your life, mortal." 

I summon Kurama to the size of a small house, and he tries to squash the mortal under his paw, he narrowly dodges but gets caught by Kurama's tail in the process. He grins statistically as his tail picks him up from his tail.

Sakura, Saskue, and Mito stare where Kurama and the idiot are. 

I sweat drop, "I forgot only people who have killed can see him. That must suck, not every day you see Kurama." 

Kurama was about to eat him, when I noticed a ninja going to attack Tazuna. I leak out all my killing intent and focus it so it only affects the idiot's brother.

He freezes, cold sweat dripping of him like rain, and he passes out. I roll my eyes and look back at where Kurama was. I cringed at the sight.

Kurama was trowing a hissy fit because Kakashi tied the idiot to a tree, and Kakashi has a major sweat drop on his head. The idiot's pants where wet around his... area. 

"He was going to be my first meal in 4 weeks!" Kurama whines.

I facepalm, "Kurama, shut up. I'll feed you some of Gato's thugs before we leave the Land of the Waves." 

Kurama stops whining and bounds towards me. 

I pale, "Don't you-" 

I'm cut off by Kurama tackling me to the ground and hugs me, rubbing his face against mine. 

I groan annoyed and unsummon him.

'WHY DID YOU DO THAT, I WAS SHOWING MY LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR YOU KIT!?!?!?!' I clutch my head and stumble towards Saskue.

I put on a blank expression and holds my hands out like a baby who wants to be picked up. Saskue looks at me confused, "What?"

I roll my eyes, "Tch, I want a piggyback ride."

Saskue glares, "Hell no."

I click my tongue, "Tch."

He glares, "Hn."

I grow a tick mark and click my tongue louder, "Tch!"

He grows a tick mark and sighs louder, "Hn!"

"Tch!"

"Hn!"

(A/N: Levi moment!!!!) "Tch, brat."

"Hn." Saskue glares and turns his back to me and starts walking to catch up with everyone.

I grin and jump on his back, smiling happily. "Thanks!"

Saskue grows another tick mark and ignores me. 

I glare at his duck ass hair, "If you keep ignoring me, I'll kiss you. Don't think I won't, I went on a lot of seduction" missions."

Saskue freezes, drops me, and hides behind Kakashi. 

Kakashi raises an eyebrow, "What are you doing?"

Saskue glares at me before walking next to Mito like nothing happened. I run up to Kakashi and jump on his back.

"What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing. Just Sexually harassing the Uchiha."


	12. So We Meet Again, Moomoo-sensei

Naruto POV:

I groan when I see the boat we're going to sail on. Kakashi drops me from his back and I faceplant on the ground. Mito kneels next to me and pokes me with a stick.

"Ano, are you ok, Naru-nii?" She giggles.

I smirk deviously, 'this should show her not to laugh at me.'

'Your an idiot.'

'Glad you noticed.'

I look at Mito with a pleading look, "If you kiss me, I'll be fine."

She blushes like crazy and hides behind Saskue, who inturn, hides behind Kakashi.

Kakashi sweat drops, "Naruto, stop harassing my students."

I pout, "Hai... I'll just harass Tazuna."

Tazuna hides behind Kakashi, "S-stay away!" 

Kakashi's sweat drop doubles in size, "Don't harass the client either."

I nod and walk up to Kakashi seductively. 

He grows a tick mark and bonks me on the head, "DON'T HARASS ME EITHER!!" 

I laugh and hop into the boat, which I instantly regret. I lean over the side of the boat and puke my insides out. Everyone snickers at me and hops into the boat. I lean over the boat, my soul seeping out of my mouth, for the rest of the dreadful ride.

As soon as the boat hit land, my soul found it's way back into my mouth and I jump out of the boat. I hug and kiss the ground.

"OH HOW I MISSED YOU SWEET, WONDERFUL LAND!" I sigh happily.

Saskue grabs my collar and starts dragging me along with the bored group. 

After about five minutes, I sensed the slightest of movements behind a bush. I release myself from Saskue's grip and throw a kunai at it. 

A small terrified rabbit hops out. 

I grin mischievously, 'Kakashi didn't say anything about harassing the enemy.' 

Everyone takes a step back away from me. I look over my shoulder, "I'll be back, I gotta pee." 

I run into the woods, circle round, and wait in a nearby tree, completely concealing my presence.

"Duck!" Kakashi yells.

I was tempted to yell, 'No it's just Saskue!' But I, somehow, held it in. A giant sword glides over their heads and gets lodged in a tree.

Zabuza lands on the hilt of the sword. I shunshin behind him when he stands up, and.... I yank down his pants and reveal his hearts underwear. Everyone freezes.

I smirk and walk around him, "So we meet again, Moomoo-sensei."


	13. I HAVE TO CATCH A POLKA DOTTED OCTOPUS!

Naruto POV:

Zabuza slowly turns his head towards me, a murderous glare on his face. I grin cheekily and skip back to Team 7. Zabuza suddenly swings his sword at my head. 

I grab the sword between my index finger and thumb finger, "Eh, Moomoo-sensei? Why would you swing a sword at your favorite male student." I pout, putting emphasis on male.

Zabuza eyes widen as he recognizes me, and next thing I know, I'm in a headlock. "Naruto, you little *****, why the hell didn't you just say hi like a fairly normal person?"

I smirk, "Normal? I never heard of such a thing. Is it a type of food?"

Zabuza laughs loudly and releases my poor neck. Team 7 stares at us wide eyed.

"Naru-nii, what are you doing? He's a criminal, and is one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist!" Mito exclaims.

I raise an eyebrow and look at Zabuza, scratching my chin, "How can a guy who's dream is to be a cow and has no eyebrows, be a criminal?"

Zabuza grows a tick mark, "I'd watch what your saying to me brat."

I smirk and look around frantically, "A BRAT? WHERE?" 

He punches me in the head, causing a red bump to form. I hide behind Kakashi, caressing my throbbing head, tears lining my eyes.

"Owowowow...." I mumble.

Kakashi sweat drops, "Naruto, how do you know the Demon of the Mist, Zabuza Momochi?"

I grin and look at Zabuza happily, "He trained me a couple years ago when I got lost on one of my missions. I was lost for 3 months, then Zabuza trained me for half a year. I'm still surprised to this day that nobody noticed." I sweat drop.

I look up at a nearby trees, "I also trained with his other student, I'm convinced they've hooked up a couple times. Can't say I blame Zabuza, Haku is a very pretty lady." 

I pale as senbon needles are thrown at me. I shunshin next to Zabuza- who's face is a bright red- just as Haku jumps out of the trees.

"How many times have I told you, Naru-kun. I AM NOT A F**KING GIRL!!!!" Haku roars.

I grin, "What are you talking about Haku-chan, I known your self consious about your by baby making machine thing. But, it can be removed at anytime, nothing to worry about."

Haku grows a murderous aura, "Naruto...."

Sasuke, who's closest to him, takes a step back away from him. 

I pale and nervously laugh, "I'd love to stay and chat but..... I HAVE TO CATCH A POLKA DOTTED OCTOPUS, BYE!"


	14. My First Kiss....

Naruto POV:

I lay twitching on the ground behind Team 7, Zabuza, and Haku. They're currently asking if they could live in Konoha. Haku every now and then looks over he- I mean his shoulder at me. 

He grows a tick mark, "Did you just confuse me for a girl again Na-ru-to?" 

I shoot off the ground and hide behind the person closest to me, Haku.

Sh-coughs- I mean He sweat drops at me, "What are you doing?"

I rack my brain for an excuse, then I got it. I reach my hands around him and grope him where a woman's breasts would be, "Huh. So you don't ha-"

Haku punches me in the face and I crash into Sasuke. We tumble to the ground, and when we finally stop rolling, Sasuke lands on top of me and our lips smack together.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
"AHHHHH!" He scrambles off of me and I clamp my hands over my mouth. 

"MY FIRST MOTHERF*CKING KISS!!!" I cry.

Sasuke leans on a tree and gags. I jump up and point a finger at him accusingly as everyone, minus Sakura, snickers.

"I KNOW I'M HOTTER THAN HELL AND THAT YOU WANT MY BEAUTIFUL BODY! BUT! If you wanted me so badly you could've just asked, Sasgay." I say the last part calmly, flipping my non-existent long hair back. 

Everyone sweat drops and Sakura tries to hit my head, "LIKE SASUKE-KUN WOULD WANT A SLUT LIKE YOU!!!"

I grab her wrist and raise an eyebrow at her, "I hope you know I'm a guy-and can make guys go gay might I add- and I'm not a slut." 

She glares and stomps back to the hysterically laughing idiots. 

Sasuke glares at me, "I'm not gay."

I roll my eyes, "Whatever you say, Sasgay." I sneer as I walk to the recovering a$$holes I call 'friends.'

Sasuke mutters curses and catches up to me. I kick Zabuza in the ribs as he's still laughing his a$$ off on the ground. He coughs up blood and passes out. Kakashi sweat drops.

"Was that really necessary Naru-nii?"

I give Mito a blank a blank look, "Yes."

Kakashi's sweat drops again and starts walking towards the village we're heading to, stepping over Zabuza, Sasuke following closely behind. Tazuna and Sakura tiptoe around Zabuza and follows them. Haku grabs Zabuza by the collar and follows them.

I jump on Zabuza's stomach, and sit down on him. Haku grows a tick mark but otherwise ignores me. 

'BWAHAHAHAHAHA! LOSING YOUR FIRST KISS TO THE UCHIHA BRAT!!!' Kurama bellows.

'Shut it fox...' I grumble.

He snickers and replays his memory of incident in my head. I groan and bang my head on Haku's back repeatedly.

"My first kiss..."


	15. Just Hanging With My Bro

Naruto POV: 

I cheer when we finally reach Tazuna's house. I jump off of Zabuza and dash up to Tazuna's doorstep. I look behind me and struggle to hold in my laughter in, team 7 and Tazuna are sprawled on the ground, swirls dancing in their eyes.

"Hehehe, oops..."

Haku chuckles as he passes the group and nudges Sakura with his foot. "You always were a maniac, Naru-kun."

I mick gasp, "Me? A maniac? Never. Sure I kill people for a living, and have a list of people I will kill, but I'm not a maniac."

We blink at each and bust out laughing, "Me/you? Not a maniac? Ha!" We wrap an arm around each other's shoulders-Haku dropping Zabuza in the process- and walk into Tazuna's house.

A woman- who I'm guessing is Tazuna's daughter- looks up, "Who are you?" 

We mock gasp, "Who are we? We are... THE ICE BROTHERS!" We strike a ridiculous pose. 

She stares at us like we're mental- we aren't, we visited a doctor 3 times- "Wouldn't it be The Ice Siblings the girl is well, a girl...."

Haku anime falls and I fall to the ground laughing. Tazuna walks in and abruptly stops at the sight of us. 

"What are you idiots doing." He deadpans.

I grin up at him, "Just hanging with my bro."


	16. You Guys Are Perverts

Naruto POV:

I sigh in content after stuffing my face with food. It was the first real food I've had it a week. 

I grin gratefully at Tsunami, "Thank you for this heavenly meal!" 

I hear Haku and Zabuza snort, "Pig."

I smirk, "I know you are, but what am I?"

They deadpan, "God."

"I know you are, but- WAIT NO!"

Everyone chuckles at me. I cross my arms with a loud 'hpmf', and stick my nose in the air. 

Haku and Zabuza excuse them selves and head to their room. 

I smirk, "Don't get to crazy in there!" 

Zabuza glares, "I won't!"

"Tch, you said that last time, and guess what? YOU PUT A HOLE IN THE WALL!" 

Haku rolls his eyes, "It was barely noticable."

I grow a tick mark, "IT WAS 4 FEET LONG!!!"

"Whatever."

I growl, "Hormonal teenager."

They glare and stomp on their room. Kakashi raises an eyebrow.

"You'll understand soon enough. I swear, they do this at everyone's house." I answer his unasked question.

"HAKU, MOVE FASTER!" 

"I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!"

Kakashi and Tazuna blush slightly. I roll my eyes grinning.

'Those two are at it again? Why!' Kurama cries dramatically.

'At least we can watch everyone's reactions.'

'Haha, they'll be scared for life.'

"ZABUZA I CAN'T REACH THAT FAR!"

We all hear Zabuza growl, "THEN JUMP!"

Numerous bangs are heard throughout the house and Haku's loud groan. Everyone, minus me, are blushing like crazy, Tsunami covering Inari's ears. 

"You guys might want to stop them before they create a hole in the wall." I deadpan.

Everyone rushes up the stairs and into their room. I sigh and walk up to them.

I look threw the doorway to see the whole room flipped unside down, like everything on the floor on the ceilings and vise versa. Haku is holding a hammer to the wall, attempting to hammer a poster to the wall.

Everyone anime falls and chuckles nervously.

"You guys are perverts."


	17. He Must've Used His Big Head Jutsu

Naruto POV:

"AHHHH! -CRASH!-" 

I snort at Mito's twiching figure. Mito and Sasuke are currently trying to climb the trees with no hands. I have absolutely no idea why Minato and Kushina didn't already teach her this, but I'm not complaining!

'You have no room to talk kit, remember when you did this?'

I shiver at the thought, 'Don't remind me...'

I snort as Mito runs up the tree and falls on her head again. 

"Oi Mito, your supposed to run up the tree. Not fall off it!" I smirk.

Mito glares at me, "SHUT YOUR TRAP!" 

I smirk, "I would have to have a trap to close it baka."

Sasuke smirks at Mito, "Dobe."

Mito, in return, shakes her fist at him in a threatening (not) way.

I flop on my back, "Why do I have to stay and watch these brats, Sakura isn't strong enough to protect Tazuna." I groan.

"Yeah, but Zabuza and Haku are also there, Naru-nii." 

I pout, but agree nonetheless. I sit up and take out a sketch book I bought earlier today. 

'Ne Ne Kurama, should I draw Kakashi and Iruka making out, then put it in Kakashi's wallet?'

Kurama grins his infamous devious grin, 'No, you should draw them half naked, on Iruka's desk, and making out Kit. You have to think outside of the box.'

I grin the infamous Naruto Uzumaki grin and sketching. I don't mean to brag or anything, but a couple of my drawings are sold to famous art museums. 

I hear a voice, who strangely sounds like Kakashi, clear their throat behind me. I slowly turn around, dreading the face of death.

"H-hey K-Kakashi." I curse myself for stuttering.

Kakashi smiles a closed eyed smile, a pitch black aura seeping sout behind him. "What are you drawing, Naruto?" 

I gulp, "Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows?" I state but it comes out more like a question.

Kakashi's closed eyed smile becomes sickly sweet, "Are you lying to me?"

I shake my head frantically, searching for an escape route. Kakashi lunges for the sketch book. I dart to the left, clutching the book for dear life. I hear Mito snort with laughter and Saskue choking back a laugh.

I scowl, and dash into the trees, Kakashi hot on my tail. I ripe out the unfinished sketch and fold it into a 1 inch square. I swerve around a tree, and dart into the opposite direction of Kakashi's curses. 

I speed back to Konoha, into Iruka's classroom (which is still in session), super glue the sketch on the blackboard, snicker at Iruka's tomato red face, and run back to Mito and Sasuke all under 5 minutes. I know, I'm amazing. 

I smirk and lean on a tree. 

"NARUTOOOOOO!!!!!!" I hear a faint voice scream. 

"He must've used his 'Big Head Jutsu'."


	18. Have Fun In Hell Gato

Naruto POV:

I yawn as I sit ontop of the idiots who tried to get Tsunami to strips. Pervs. Inari is sobbing into his mother's shoulder.

I sigh, "Inari, from now on, you can't cry if your sad. Only cry when your happy or relieved please." 

Inari nods, sniffling every now and then, but smiles notheless.

I push myself off the idiotic lump if flesh and jog over to the bridge. I snort when I see Zabuza and Haku pressing their foreheads together in a threatening manner.

"Guys, I know you love eachother, but no public affections please." I sigh in fake exasperation.

I turn to me and glare. I hold my hands up in defense and they go back to arguing.

I look over at Bakashi, "By the way, two thugs attacked Tsunami and Inari. Your lucky me power of youth stopped them, Bakashi."

Kakashi sweat drops, "Not another Gai." 

I recoil in disgust, "I will never wear the thing he runs around in."

Kakashi sudders at the thought, then decides to tease me about losing my kiss to an emo duckass.

Mine, and Sasuke's, eyebrows twiches repeatedly. I'm just about to punch Kakashi when a large group of thugs and Gato appear.

"Well well well, looks like you betrayed me Zabuza." Gato states.

"No, he left to get married to Haku." I interrupt.

Zabuza and Haku punch me in the face, and makes me crash in Gato. I jump up and stomp on his stomach. He coughs up blood and I smirk.

I pull out a kunai and throw it into the neck of an attacking thug. I press my foot down on his chest harshly, but not enough to kill him. 

I look over at Sasuke and give him an annoyed expression, "What the hell are you waiting for, kill them."

Sasuke smirks and dashes at the thugs, kunai and shrukin lining him knuckles. While the thugs are distracted, I pull out and kunai and pierce it into Gato's stomach. 

I smirk as I hear him scream, but in the commotion, nobody notices. 

I lean down and whisper to his paling form, "Have fun in hell, Gato."


	19. Thanks Sakura-chan

Naruto POV: 

'Okay, lesson. Learned. When Mito and Sasuke wants to kill the bad guy, let them.' I think as I float on the water after being thrown off the bridge by the two brats.

I hear Kurama laughing in the back of my head, he suddenly chokes on his laughter. Literally.

I smirk, 'You so deserved that.'

'Go to hell -cough- kit!' 

I snort and float towards the shore, where Kakashi is standing arms crossed, a tick mark bludging on his head, and two brats sitting on their knees, heads down in guilt.

'I have a feeling they don't feel guilty at all', I frown as Kakashi drags me out of the water by the collar. 

I smirk at them and I start to fake cry, tears streaming down my face. 

"I-I -hic- I'm s-s-sowwy! -hic-" I sob.

Sasuke and Mito look at me in shock. I lift my hands and 'attempt' to wipe away my tears.

"I -hic- d-didn't m-m-mean -hic- to anger y-you g-guys." 

Sakura suddenly hugs me saying it's ok. I cry a little louder and hug her back. Mito and Sasuke flinch when I sob louder. 

"You don't have to apologize Naru-chan." Sakura cooes soothingly.

'Is this what a mother would do?' I stare at her wide eyed, and burst out crying for real this time.

Sakura turns to Sasuke and Mito with a dark aura surronding her. "APOLOGIZE TO NARUTO RIGHT NOW YOU TWO!"

Everyone stares at Sakura in shock, "Did you just y-yell at S-Sasuke?" Mito stammers.

Sakura glares at her and points at me, not that I noticed as I was to busy fake sobbing again. Mito and Sasuke hurriedly apologize to me, fearing the angered fan girl.

I look at Sakura and smile a genuine smile, the first one I've shown anyone in a long time, "Thanks Sakura-chan."


	20. Is Something Wrong Bakashi?

Naruto POV:

"WE'RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP, SHOARING THROUGH THE SKIES!" I sing as we jump through the trees.

Sakura sweat drops, "What are you singing?"

"If I knew, I would tell you." I pout.

I yelp when the branch I momentarily landed on snaps. I crash threw the branches and land on my face. Kakashi lands next to me, but on his feet.

"Are you ok Naru-chan?" Kakashi drawls. (A/N: -whispers- does anyone know what happened to Haku and Zabuza?)

I scowl on peal my poor face of the dirt, "Just fine Bakashi."

Kakashi eye smiles, "Good, now get off the ground so we can leave."

I cry river tears, "I can't, I lost my sanity."

Kakashi chuckles, "You never had any."

I pout and push myself off the floor. I shove a cream pie in his face and I dash off towards Konoha. "MUAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!"

'Where did you get the pie?'

'The same place I got the cat, no idea.'

Kurama sweat drops, 'Do you have a pocket of unlimited space somewhere?'

'I don't know, maybe?' I shrug.

I reach the gates of Konoha and look behind me, "Oops, I left them behind again...."

Izumo and Kotetsu sweat drop, "You left your team again Naruto?"

I snicker, a fox like smile adorning my face, "They're just slow. Now, what should I do...." A light bulb appears above ky head and I set to work.

-1 hour later-

I snicker and rub my hands together in anticipation, "This is gonna be good."

Team 7, plus Zabuza and Haku finally arrive at the gates. Kakashi narrows his eyes at me.

"What did you do?"

I smile innocently, "Nothing."

Kakashi narrows his eyes even farther, "Sasuke, Mito, Sakura, you go first."

They glare at Kakashi and hesitantly walk forward until they're standinf next to me. I smirk as Kakashi steps forward. 

As soon as he's 3 feet from the gates, the ground under him caves in and a loud SQUISH is heard. I snicker and look down at him.

Kakashi is in a 10 feet deep hole filled half way up with butter, pudding, ramen noodles, rice, fish, and toad spit. Kakashi glares up at me with one of the deadliest glares he has.

"Is something wrong, Bakashi?"


	21. INOICHI IS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH IBIKI!

Naruto POV:

I snort with laughter as Kakashi tries to pinch me in the head. I gracefully dodge each punch (IT'S A MIRACLE) and trip Kakabaka.

"What are you doing on the ground Kakabaka?" I sneer.

Kakashi growls and chases after me. I cry river tears as I run around the village looking for Iruka-sensei. I dash into his classroom and I hide behind him.

"Iru-kun, Kakashi is trying to hurt me!" I cry.

Iruka turns his head at me smiling, a black aura enveloping him. "I'm sure he has a good reason, just like how I have mine."

'-sigh- I should've waited until his class was in session...'

Iruka punches me in the head and I go six feet under the wooden floor. I hear the door slam open and dark chuckling above me. I grab a shovel and dig my way out of the academy.

'Do I even want to ask where you got the shovel?'

I think for a moment and reply, 'Probably not.'

I crawl out of the hole and peak through the window, just in time to see Kakashi and Iruka-sensei look down the hole. 

Their jaws drop comically, "WHERE DID HE GO!" 

A foxy grin creeps up my face and I shunshin into Mina- er... Otou-san's office. I miscalculated the height of the floor and accidentally land on Sakura.

I scramble off of her, "G-gomen Sakura-chan, Sasuke tricked me!" 

Sakura snaps her head at Sasuke and glares, but then realizes it's Sasuke and hearts flow around her. I sigh and relief and turn to Hoka- err... Otou-san to give our mission report.

"Mission successful. Originally ranked C, but due to certain circumstances, it's now ranked A. The Demon Brothers of the Mist and Zabuza Momochi attacked the client between the hours 1200-1600. Captain of the mission fainted after the first battle between Zabuza and himself due to chakra exhaustion. Client -" 

-Timeskip 45 minutes- 

"...and that is Team 7's mission report." I conclude.

Otou-san nods approvingly, "Good, now, why exactly did you do Team 7's report?"

I point out the window, and as soon as Otou-san turns to look, I create two shadow clone outside of the window and they henge into Inoichi and Gai. I nod at them and they start making out.

Otou-san's jaw drops to the floor and blood trickles down his nose. 

Minato shoots up with an angered expression, "I DON'T SHIP IT!! INOICHI IS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH IBIKI!!!"


	22. See, Your In Denial Sasu-chan

Naruto POV:

I pout with my arms crossed as Kakabaka and Otou-san scold me for doing Team 7's report. On the outside, it looks like I'm listening seriously (not really), but on the inside I'm plotting my revenge on Sasuke. The flimsy bastard stole my first kiss that I was gonna give to Garra.

I glare as Sasuke smirks behind Otou-san and Bakashi. I   
suddenly smirk deviously. Reason? I came up with my master plan to embarrass Sasgay. 

~10000000000 hours of scolding later 'it was actually 25 minutes kit' SHUT UP KURAMA, THIS IS MY STAGE 'Okay, okay sheesh'~

I smirk devilishly as Sasuke leaves me and Team 7 and walks into the market. I fall to my knees and start to dramatically cry.

"SASU-KUN, WHY? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME, WAS ALL YOU SAID A LIE!?!?!" I wail.

Sasuke freezes mid-step and looks at me terrified. I meet his eyes and smirk evily. He pales a death white and rushes up to me.

As soon as he reaches five feet of me I gasp happily, "I KNEW YOU STILL LOVED ME, AFTER THAT FIRST KISS, I KNEW YOU LOVED ME MORE THAN YOUR STUPID FAN GIRLS!" I screech like Sakura.

I hear an angry yell from the crowd, "LIKE SASUKE-KUN WOULD LIKE A BITCH LIKE YOU!" 

I smirk at Sasuke and announce loudly, "DID SASUKE PIN YOU TO THE GROUND AND KISS YOU?" I sneer.

Sasuke blushes a daaaaaaark red and stammers, "N-no I-I"

Unfortunately (not) nobody listens and Sasuke's fangirls walk up to the front of the crowd sniffling, "S-Sasuke-kun, is-is it t-true?"

Sasuke glares at me, "No! I didn't pin this dobe to the ground." 

I laugh off-handedly and raise an eyebrow at Kakashi, "Kashi-kun, Sasuke pinned me to the ground and kissed me, right?"

Kakashi lifts an eye from his book and eye smiles, "That and more, I believe he blushed every time he looked in your direction, Naru-chan."

I smile victoriously at Sasuke, "See, your in denial Sasu-chan."


	23. She Didn't Deny It....

Naruto POV: 

I sigh a mushroom cloud as Minato drags the bloody pulp of flesh home. In other words, me, the most beautiful being on the planet, even while in this state.

"I don't understand why Sasu-chan was so mad...." I pout.

Minato imitates me, "'Oh Sasu-chan, I love you~' I'll give you one guess Naruto."

My eyes shine up in recognition, "He was embarrassed that our relationship was made public!" 

Minato snorts and continues walking. I look up at the sky smirking.

"Ne, Otou-san, I heard from a friend, who heard from their sister, who heard from the grocery store owner, who heard from Okaa-san, who heard from Mikoto, who heard from Shikaku, who heard from Iruka-kun, who heard from Jiraya, who heard from Tsunade, who heard from Garra, who heard from Octo-pops, who heard from his students, who heard from Kakashi, who heard from a fish, who heard from a shark while being eaten, who heard from Naruto, who heard from Chucky that Jiraya and the Old Man Sadaime were hooking up and that Ibiki and Danzo had a one night stand, AND that Garra and Naruto kissed. But in Naruto and Garra's defense, it was for a mission."

Minato suddenly disappears, resulting in me and the ground having a cat fight, and I see a trail of dust heading for the I&T division. 

I place my hands together in a praying position, "Rest in peace Ibiki." 

I choke down my laugh and skip towards the Namikaze estate. I open the door and walk in, and Kushina screams. 

I scramble up to her, "Ka-san! What's wrong?"

Kushina punches me in the back of the head, "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, YOUR ALL BLACK, BLUE, AND BLOODY! Go take a soothing bath and rest Naru-chan. You must've had a long day, Mommy is gonna take good care of you." 

I stare at her shocked. 'Bipolar much.'

I nod slowly and head towards the bathroom. I strip off my clothing and start the bath. I lower myself into the warm water and sigh in content.

The door is suddenly slammed open and a fuming Mito storms in. I raise an eyebrow, but she doesn't seem to notice me.

"Stupid Sasuke, stupid Naru-nii! They left me behind! When I get my hands on Naru-nii, I'll-" 

I smirk and lean on the edge of the bathtube, "You'll what? Rape me?"

Mito's head snaps towards me and she screams. She dashes out the door, a dark blush adorning her face. I snicker and relax once again.

I suddenly freeze, "She didn't deny it..."


	24. Yeah, and ROOT doesn't exist

Naruto POV:

I get out of the bath and wrap a towel around my waist. I go to open the door, but Minato slams it open with Jiraya, Sadiame, Danzo, Ibiki, and.... Gaara!?! He's supposed to be in Suna!

"NARUTO, TELL THEM WHAT YOU TOLD ME!!" Minato demands.

I scratch my heads confused, "What you told me?"

"No, when I was dragging you home."

"That I was going to be on a mission for a couple months?"

"NO! WAIT YOUR LEAVING!?!?! We'll talk about this later. Tell them about Jiraya and Hiruzen were hooking up, Danzo and Ibiki having a one night stand, and you and Gaara kissing."

Gaara snorts, "Like I'd kiss that ball of energy."

I blink confused, "Energy? I am not a ba-"

"TELL THEM!"

I furrow my eyebrows, "I never said that Otou-san."

"LIAR!"

I fake cry, "You haven't acknowledged my presence for 12 years and now your calling me a liar?"

Minato pales, "N-no I-"

The Sadiame and Jiraya sigh, "Minato, stop these delusions, Kakashi told us about last month. If this continues, we'll have to put you in a mental institute."

Minato pales, "B-but..."

Danzo glares at Minato, "Stop these delusional pairings, Hokage-sama."

Minato sighs defeated and walks into the living room. The rest of the group turn to me with a dark aura surrounding them. I smile happily, a bright aura surrounding me.

"What if Hokage-sama learned the truth Naruto?" Ibiki growls.

I snort, "He'd have a better chance of convincing Kushina to get a divorce and survive in one piece."

Everyone sudders in horror. 

"I can't believe you told him about that kiss." Gaara growls.

I smirk, "Your just mad you won't get another chance to kiss m-"

Gaara growls and punches me through the wall and into the kitchen. I yelp and wrap my towel around my waist even tighter. 

"Jeez! I was kidding!" I shout as I walk back to the group of demons. 

"If you ever tell Hokage-sama one of our secrets again, I'll tell Hinata you love her." Ibiki threatens. 

I blush, "I DON'T L-LOVE HER!"

"Tch, yeah right." Gaara snorts.

"It's true!"

Jiraya rolls his eyes, "Yeah, and ROOT doesn't exist."


	25. Mina-Toy

Naruto POV: 

I pout as Otou-san and Okaa-san scold me on breaking the wall. I don't get why it's such a big deal! It's just a wall, we have like 30 other walls that are perfectly fine. 

I scowl as Mito starts hysterically laughing and Gaara chuckling next to her. Everyone in my little prank left, I was looking forward to torturing them with secrets about their lives.

"Your lucky nobody was near the wall WHEN YOU CRASHED THROUGH IT!" Kushina screeches.

Minato runs a hand down his tired face, "I'm aging 20 years in less than 5 minutes."

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, then you'll have old women crawling at your feet. And I'm pretty sure nobody wants to see that."

Minato pales drastically, "W-wha... N-no! T-that wouldn't h-happen, r-r-right K-Kushina?" 

Kushina smirks, "Yea Mina-chan, you'll have all the old ladies in the village crawling for you. Some might even be men."

Kushina's eyes, along with mine, seem to flash a devilish red for a moment before we stalk up to Minato. 

"They'll probably kidnap you, strip you, and tie you to a bed where they'll trail their dry lips along your chest, neck, legs, abdomen, everywhere." Me and Kurama grin. 

'Long time no see Kurama, have a nice nap?'

'A wonderful nap, and a beautiful awakening.' 

Kushina grins at me and turns back to Minato, "Oh yes, that'll definitely happen. Maybe Danzo and Jiraya will join them. Running their aged hands all over your body. Touching everything." 

Mito stands behind us with question marks above her bead, "Huh?"

"Don't worry honey, you don't need to understand." Kushina smiles.

Minato hugs his knees in a dark corner, shivering in fear, and a dark cloud hovering above his head. 

Gaara stares at Minato highly amused, "Don't worry Hokage-sama, they'll probably let you go after 20 years or so. Unless if they find you to delicious they'll probably feed off you." Gaara smirks.

I smirk along with Gaara and hang an arm around his shoulder, "No Ga-chan, that's where your wrong. They'll never get tired of him. They'll probably have someone suck him 24/7." 

I feel Gaara stiffles his chuckles, "Yes, I guess that was obvious, but we have to give Hokage-sama a little hope."

Kushina grins, "Don't you mean 'The Toy' not 'Hokage-sama'?"

Minato pales even more, if that's even possible, and his soul floats out of his mouth. We fall to the ground hysterically laughing, except Minato and Mito (who's confused). 

I wipe the tears away from my eyes grinning, "He'll probably be all 'dried up' if they ever let him go."

Kushina wheezes for breath on the ground, "Mina-toy!"


	26. Gaara's On His Man Period

Naruto POV:

I deadpan as Kankuro, Gaara's brother, threatens team 7 (mi n us Sasuke) plus Konohomaru and his friends whose names I don't remember. 

I look over and Gaara and anime cry, "Ga-chan, Kitty-baka is being a bully!" 

Gaara stares at me blankfully and smashes me into Kankuro, we groan in pain. 

"Stupid Raccon!" I hollar, "Foxes can kick your one-tailed ass anyday!" 

Gaara growls, "Done underestimate me."

I grins happily, "Okay Mommy!" 

Temari and Kankuro pale and back away slowly, "N-Naruto, y-yuou know G-Gaara hate being c-called that."

Team 7 (minus Sasuke) plus Konohamaru and his friends suddenly jump out of their shock, "NARUTO/ NARU-NII/BOSS!?!?!" 

Question marks appear above my head, "Since when did I have a gang?" 

Before Konohamaru even opens his mouth, Gaara shhots a spike of sand at me. I yelp and jump back, landing on hands and feet. 

"I don't wanna die without framing Orochimaru for robbing a bank!!" I whine childishly.

A rock suddenly hit my in the forehead. I yelp and glare up at the duckass in the tree, rubbing my forehead with tears in my eyes.

"Your such a Dobe." Sasuke grunts.

I snort, "And your an ass, no wait, a gay duckass!" 

"Hn." Sasuke grunts, staring at me in annoyance.

"Sorry I don't speak Uchiha!"

Mito giggles, "Yeah, Sasuke, we don't speak Uchiha!"

We all stare at Mito blankly, "No, just no Mito."

She pouts, "What? I only said one thing in this whole chapter."

(Ayako_Hayashi: Mito, don't break my beautiful 4th wall. You'll pay for it.)

Konohamaru pulls down one of his eyes lids and sticks his tongue out at Mito, "Yeah Mito, be quiet."

I laugh, "Kids are so cute."

"WE'RE NOT CUTE!!!" Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon scream. 

'I REMEBERED THEIR NAMES KURAMA!!'

'Shut up, I'm sleeping.'

'Hormonal teenager.'

'OI! I AM THE GREAT KYUUBI NO-' 

I block Kurama out and swing an arm around Gaara's shoulders, "Yup! Gaara and I are dating."

Everyone freezes, "What?"

Gaara grips my head in his head, and squeezes reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy hard, an irk mark bulging on hios forehead, "I never agreed to that Naruto, nor have you even asked. I. Am. Not. Your. Boyfriend." 

I wimper, "Ow. ow. Gaara, baby, that hurts."

He grips my head even tighter, "What did I just say?"

"That you love me?" I offer weakly.

"We. Are. NOT. Dating."

I nod weakly and Gaara releases my head, "Gaara's on his man period."


End file.
